Q. Is it tacky to attend church around Christmas when I don’t go any other time? I love the carols. My friend says it is uncool to take up a seat when someone who really believes in the God stuff might not get in. — Xmas Music Lover

Dear Music Lover: Your friend is wrong. Unless you are stretching full-length out on a pew or cutting in line, elbowing the waiting regulars away from Advent services, you’re fine. Those who believe in the God stuff know to be there early anyway.

–O!Connor

Q. While holiday shopping downtown yesterday I could not help noticing that men no longer hold doors open for women. Am I ridiculous for thinking a man should still do that for me, perhaps especially now that I am in my 70s? — Old Fashioned Gal

Dear Gal: Ideally, a man OR a woman who is in the position to open or hold a door for another person should do so unless there is such a steady stream of incoming folks that it would mean playing doorperson for hours. At the very least, anyone (male or female) in said position should hold a door for an older adult, a small child or a UPS person (again, of either sex) in those cute brown shorts.

–O!Connor

Q. I supplement my modest retirement income by checking the homes of vacationing neighbors for a per-visit fee. I provide them with a checklist of what I will be doing while they are away. One of my current gigs has morphed into a bigger deal: dealing with a plumber; packing and mailing things; answering my snowbird neighbor’s many, many questions about the place via email. I don’t mind the extra work, but how do I handle the obvious need for a larger fee? — Frazzled But Responsible

Dear Frazzled: Send a tidy log of daily activities to your client, saying you want her to be clear on what is happening in her absence, and ask her to revisit the original agreement. If she balks at that, then reduce your duties to those you originally agreed to do. You might also add a line to your future checklists that says “Please feel free to contact me to negotiate additional services once your trip commences.”

–O!Connor

Q. I’m spending my retirement writing the novel I never had time for when I was working. I worry that I sound like a poser when I tell people this, but when asked how I spend my time, I don’t like to lie. My wife says I’m silly to worry what people think about this. — No Papa Hemingway But Trying

Dear Old Man in the Sea: Your wife is onto something: fretting about what others think is a waste of precious writing energy. You must develop a stock answer that has a foundation of truth. Example: “Since the Wall Street collapse, I’ve been spending lots of time on the computer and doing paperwork.” True enough, and it will unleash a flood of self-centered whining from your questioner, letting you off the hook completely.

–O!Connor

Q. I gave in to pressure from a tech-savvy friend and bought a complicated cellphone — which has a keyboard the size of a postage stamp. I hate this thing and want a plain old phone. I know I’ll get heat from him if I switch back, and I’ll be out a couple hundred bucks. Am I being a dope? — Give Me Two Cans and a String

Dear Two-cans:

Life is short and Phone Hell is no place to spend it. Donate the fancy phone to a worthy cause and tell your friend you’re hoping to be his techno-equal in your next life.

— O!Connor

Q. My spouse of 38 years and I tend to make friends on our own, she at the golf and tennis club; me in my medical work, where I continue to volunteer. We generally are not wowed by each other’s acquaintances and rarely cross-socialize. Our kids say this is unhealthy. What say you? — Friendly Enough

Dear Enough: This separate-buddy stuff is unhealthy only if it bothers you or your wife. Chances are you’ve always had your own pals, but it was not obvious to others until you retired. A good litmus test: Did you worry about this before the kids raised the issue? No? Well, carry on. That said, it is of course crucial that you ask your wife how her latest round went and look enthused at any mention of the words “eagle” or “birdie.”

— O!Connor

Q. I’m a retired paralegal working part-time as a receptionist for a large law firm. Most of the employees don’t know I have legal training, and some talk to me like I’m an idiot. I’d like to set them straight without reeling off my resume particulars. Is that possible? — Proud of My Past

Dear Proud: By now you must have identified the most annoying, nattering employee of the firm. Engage that person in a casual chat in which you make a reference to some little-known case law, then lower your voice to a conspiratorial whisper, adding “I don’t need to tell you how often that little gem is misused!” It should be around the place by end of business that you know something of the law.

— O!Connor

Q. My favorite barbecue restaurant, which has many oldsters among its regulars, has new menus with ridiculously small type. Even with reading glasses it is impossible to read the specials. I’ve mentioned this to the 30-something manager, who smiles and shrugs. I’m ready to organize a boycott! – Tired of Squinting

Dear Squint: It seems a shame to miss out on your beloved ribs and greens because of font size. Perhaps you could organize your compatriots to politely ask the servers to read the entire menu aloud, slowly. That bit of byplay should quickly work its way back to the menu editors.

– O!Connor

Q. After several email messages begging me to volunteer for a local tutoring program staffed by retired professionals, I signed up. Now I’m being told that the next training session is being postponed for a month! Why do these groups push for volunteers when they can’t handle the response? — Exasperated helper

Dear Exasperated: Not-for-profit agencies are typically short-staffed, and do not run like those bloated Wall Street firms, where every top dog has four assistants. The training person for your tutoring program has to maximize her/his time, in order to be able to take out the trash, hunt for cheaper copy-machine paper and fill out the 900 forms required by funding sources. Perhaps you can help as an office volunteer until you get your tutoring ticket punched, providing you can mask your exasperation for a few hours a week.

– O!Connor

Q. My wonderful, independent father-in-law flies cross-country to visit us for Thanksgiving, Christmas and July 4th. We feel blessed that he has the interest, robust health and funds to do this. Unfortunately, he stays 8-10 days, which disrupts our family routine and uses up all our paid-vacation time. We love seeing him, and because he pays his own way it seems churlish to ask that he leave sooner. Any thoughts? – Tired Family Man

Dear Tired: You might surprise Dad with a gift ticket for the next holiday. Schedule the visit for 5-7 days and enjoy every one of them. If your nerve fails you, then at least do some research on activities for this independent fellow, who surely would be fine on his own for a day or two out of the ten he stays, allowing you to save a bit of vacation time.

–O!Connor