Q. My partner and I can’t agree on where to go on vacation next month. I want Palm Springs, partner says it’s the perfect time to go to a big city and take advantage of sale prices everywhere. We’ve actually been fighting over this, as in YELLING. We’re usually much more amiable, so this is freaking us out. Where do we start with this? – Surprised at the Spat

Dear Surprised: Fighting over desert getaway versus urban shopping trek makes you two sound, well, shallow and immature. Yet the fact that it bothers you so much hints at some depth, as well as a partnership worth working on. Sit yourselves down and get to the root causes. Someone feeling manipulated? Bad memories of trips to either place? Worried about looking fat at poolside or un-chic in the city? Try this: each of you write down what you think is really behind your objection. Swap notes at the same moment. If that doesn’t lead to a discussion of value, then get ye to a couples therapist. Spending the vacation budget on some help might end up being just the vay-cay you need.

– O!Connor

Q. I have a friend and neighbor who has been trying to get work for months. He’s smart and had a fine career back in the day, but now that he’s 60, opportunities have dried up. I think part of the problem is that his wardrobe and grooming are very outdated. Should I suggest he update? I’m afraid it will hurt his feelings. – Wondering About Manners

Dear Wondering: In today’s tough job market, even a small edge can help. Tell your friend that while you both know such things are beside the point, he may fare better if that first impression is an updated one. A couple of job interview outfits and a haircut may do the trick, and you can offer to accompany him as he seeks out these props. If you have a good editor’s eye, you might also try for a look at his resume. If his jackets are stuck in the 1980s, his paperwork may be as well.

– O!Connor

Q. What is the etiquette around tipping service people, such as a plumber? – Unsure About Tips

Dear Unsure: Offering an additional bit of cash as a thank-you for good work is hardly ever inappropriate. If a service or repair person employed by a company (Acme Plumbing & Heating, say, as opposed to Joe the Self-Employed Plumber) provides service you feel is especially good, ask if s/he is allowed to accept tips. It is not necessary to make the amount a percentage of the total, but start with a $10 bill and go from there. (Yes, cash, not check.) If you have a self-employed handy-person or other helper who comes regularly to your aid, you might consider an annual holiday gratuity or a gift card.

–O!Connor

Q. I took early retirement a couple of years ago, and now the company wants me back as a part-time employee. My retirement account is so sapped that I’d love to do it. Problem: My dearest, best friend was just laid off from the same place, in another department. I’m afraid she’ll resent my returning to the place that cut her loose before she was ready to go. – Pulled in Two Directions

Dear Pulled: If turning down the job meant your friend could stay, you’d have a real ethical problem. As it is, you have a lifeline to grab. It may be a bit awkward, but a dear friend will understand, and if you’re the sort of friends who bail each other out from time to time, at least this means you’ll be able to come through if she needs help keeping the lights on.

– O!Connor

Q. There’s a friendly checker at my grocery store who chats up everyone who goes through her line. She’s at least 20 years younger than me. Yesterday she said “How come a cute guy like you doesn’t have a wedding ring?” I pretended not to hear her and fumbled my way through the transaction, but now I am wondering if it might be possible she is actually interested in me. How do I proceed without making a fool of myself? – Long out of the Dating Game

Dear New Dater: The next time you go through the line, say “Hey, you! You really threw me the other day when you asked about my wedding ring! Did that mean you’d have coffee with me if I asked?” If she goes for it, be prepared to name a time and day. If she doesn’t, say “Damn! I knew it was too good to be true!” and give her a big smile. The odds of success will go way up if her manager is not lurking nearby.

–O!Connor

Q. My spouse and I actually had a rare, big fight over the utterly ridiculous question of how often one should change bed sheets. I say every few days so they feel nice; he says that wastes water and energy. Who is right? — Likes a crisp bed

Dear Crisp: You are both right. There is nothing like nodding off between clean sheets, and it does indeed take water and energy to get them that way. Consider going a day or two longer between changes, then washing in cold water and hanging sheets to dry, which saves energy and makes them even more crisp. Before you fall asleep on said sheets, you might also consider sending up a prayer of thanks that this is what counts as a big fight in your house.

–O!Connor

Q. I don’t wear shoes inside my house, a custom I feel is both practical (limits crud tracked in) and thoughtful (shows respect for the home). Some of my friends always roll their eyes over my request and comply with exaggerated patience. Is this really such an unreasonable request? – Exasperated

Dear Exasperated: No, it is not unreasonable. Two things you might consider: first, explain that you think of this as a sign of respect for the home, not just some neurotic germ-hating ritual. Second, place a basket of washable, inexpensive slippers and socks by the door for visitors, including a monogrammed pair (the real thing or use a Magic Marker) for each of the worst eye-rollers.

–O!Connor

Q. Why aren’t you taking Christmas Day off from writing this column? — Concerned reader

Dear Concerned: Thank you for your message. I am not at my desk right now. I will return after the holiday and be in touch as soon as possible. Happy Holidays!

– O!Connor

Q. Does anyone bother to go to work during Christmas week anymore? I have been put on hold for ages every time I make a call. If I hear one more Burl Ives Christmas number while I’m waiting, I will hurl. Has it always been like this and I somehow didn’t notice? — Bah!

Dear Humbug: No, there was a time when everyone worked between Thanksgiving and New Year’s with only Christmas Day off. But that changed when voice-mail came into vogue, allowing all of us to sneak out and shop. This year, however, you are on hold more often because employees everywhere are busy updating resumes and filling out paperwork for mortgage forbearances. You might try the chocolate-for-keyword trick. Every time the Muzak blares the word “jingle” or “ho” or “reindeer,” pop a chocolate in your mouth. It helps.

– O!Connor

Q. Believe it or not, I saw someone stealing a Christmas tree from a lot near my house. I foolishly told my son when he came to visit and he got all upset, demanding to know if I’d called the cops. I lied and said yes, just to shut him up. Truth is, I just couldn’t bring myself to rat on someone this time of year who probably didn’t have the cash for a tree. Was I wrong? Now I feel guilty. — Turning a Blind Eye

Dear Blind Eye: Stealing is stealing, regardless of the seasonal reasons, but the odds of the cops catching someone with a hot tree are slim, so let it go and be merry. Start by pouring yourself a stiff eggnog and telling your son to go patrol the tree lot.

– O!Connor